THE NEW IMPROVED CHAP OLYMPIAD
This year sees the nation’s most eccentric sporting event undergo a few radical improvements to its format, to ensure that dandies, flappers and dandizettes enjoy flaunting their well-chosen outfits in an even more conducive environment.
Instead of all ten events taking place at a given hour on our raised Olympic track, six games will now take place simultaneously around the splendidly verdant grounds of Bedford Square Gardens. This will give this year’s Chap Olympiad the feel more of a summer fete – albeit one where all the guests are exceedingly well-dressed and where vast quantities of Boodles martinis are consumed.
As soon as the games commence at 1pm, competitors will be able to flit from hurling softballs at Donald Trump’s wig to attacking each other with umbrellas on bicycles, in between lubricating themselves with the finest Boodles gin cocktails at Bourne & Hollingsworth’s splendid plethora of bars ranged about the outdoor venue.
Tea Pursuit – A game inspired by the Olympics’ cycling relay, contestants will cycle around the course, transferring a cup of tea from one rider to the next. The amount of tea remaining in each team’s cup will decide the winner.
French Connection – Three lumps of French cheese are mounted on poles. While stood on a designated spot, contestants will attempt to knock the cheese off the poles using their javelin (a baguette).
Top Trump Toupee – Using softballs, contestants must knock Donald Trump’s wig off his head.
Umbrella Jousting – Mounted on bicycles, contestants will charge at one another, brandishing umbrellas instead of jousts. Bowler hats and briefcases will take the place of traditional armour.
Riding Crop Rumpus – While participants kneel in a row, a contestant must attempt to whip them with a riding crop. Participants will be defended by a lady in a leather catsuit.
Butler Baiting – A fleet of butlers mix perfect Boodles G&Ts at the cocktail bar. When the bell is rung to announce that drinks are ready, contestants – with a leg tied together – must make a three-legged dash to the bar. If they don’t make it in under one minute, the butler gets to drink their Boodles G&T.
World Record Breaking
As well as our ongoing roster of the five above events, this year The Chap is determined to set some new world records. Having enrolled the services of a new Master of Ceremonies, Ben Shires, presenter of BBC TV’s Officially Amazing programme and therefore an expert on setting and breaking world records, the following challenges, two of which already exist as official World Records, will be undertaken at the Chap Olympiad:
Most hats worn while riding a bicycle (current record held by Daniel Willner – 23 hats)
Most ties knotted in one minute
Fastest 100-yard sprint with a cup of tea
Most hats tossed on to hat stand (Current world record held by Ashrita Furman (USA) – 16 hats in one minute)
Most people smoking one pipe
All guests at the event will be invited to take part in these world records, with the highest score being recorded and logged with the Guinness Book of Records.